T.J. Masters
Passionately Writing. Writing Passion.

The New You: Diary or Journal to Success

On your journey to that new you, there needs to be a timeline. That timeline needs to measure your journey in two distinct ways: firstly as a route map with milestones to pass plus events to allow for and to plan for, and secondly there as a record of where you have come from and all those success points along the way. Large or small, these markers are so important as nourishment for your motivation.

There are many different ways of meeting this need and everyone has their preferred options. You may like using Things To Do lists or weekly planners; diaries, whether paper or electronic; or wall planners, journals, log books or day books. Whilst you should certainly use whichever works best for you, I would recommend adopting more than one in order to help to reinforce your efforts and keep you focussed.

At the core of your organising will be either a diary or journal, or both. So what’s the difference, I hear you ask? The two words are synonymous but in practical terms they are very different. A diary may remind us of significant events and is used to record experiences we may wish to remember. A journal on the other hand can also record experiences but it does so on a much more detailed and personal level. A journal is used to record feelings, emotions, challenges and reflections on those experiences as they happen. This record can then be used to evaluate one’s life and instruct future behaviour.

The word diary comes from the latin word diarium which translates as ‘daily allowance’. A diary is a record of our daily routines where things like date, time and place are of utmost importance. Journal however, was originally a French monastic term used to describe a book which contained the appointed times for daily prayers and services. These days a journal is seen as a book in which we record day to day events in some detail, not as simply catalogue of events but of the feelings and emotions attached to them. Journals are much more reflective in nature.

Personally I believe that both have their place and in future posts I will consider the merits of both in some detail. I’m sure that some time over the Christmas period, many of you will have taken the time to diligently transfer those all important birthdays etc. from last year’s diary, to some shiny new one that you may have received as a Christmas gift. Of course the more tech savvy among you will simply have seen those essential dates roll forward seamlessly. One of the things I hope to do is to show how and why you should add some extra dates to your diary to turn it into an inspirational tool to drive your ambitions.

Of course before we start to record progress, we need to know where we are going. In the next blog I will look at setting powerful SMART goals that you can engage with and feel passionate about.

The New You: Who Will You Be?

Most New Year’s resolutions are about things, changes or achievements. More money, less weight, healthier body, new car etc. These goals are often woolly, lacking in the kind of definition which will make them achievable. What we need is a clear vision of the end goal. For many people, the simplest visualisation might be a photograph of the new car or the holiday destination. These visual aids are very useful, but there is another, sure fire way of fixing your end goal in your head.

Rather than focussing on an object, it is far more powerful if you can visualise yourself at the end of your journey. What will it feel like when you are driving that new car? What will you look like when you have lost all that weight, or got that holiday sun tan? How will you look and feel when you are holding your newly published book in your hands?

There are many visualisation exercises to be found online but essentially you need to do two things. First of all, REFLECT. Don’t dwell on the past year or your past life too much. Future success will depend on the decisions you make now, not anything that has happened in the past. What you should do is to reflect on who you are now, and where you are now. once you have established these things you have a clear starting point from which to set your compass and stride into the future.

To begin with the end in mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination. It means to know where you are going, so that you better understand where you are now and so that the steps you take are always in the right direction. -Steven Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

The second essential task is to look at who you want to be. Picture yourself as you will be when you reach your goal. What will you look like? How will you feel? Put as much effort into this as you can. Paint the picture as clearly as you can and reinforce it with all the relevant feelings and senses you can think of. Emotions, colours, smells, tastes, sounds, relationships etc.

        I dream my painting and then I paint my dream – Vincent van Gogh

Having reflected on who you are, and visualised who you want to be, have confidence in yourself and get started. Check in regularly on your vision of who you will be. Anytime that indecision sticks its nose in, use this vision to remind yourself why the future you is so much better than the current one.

Of course your progress needs to be measurable. Unless it is recorded and specific milestones reached along the way, it will be very difficult to keep faith in the journey. In the next blog post I will take a look at using diaries or journals to measure the path.

New Year, New You?

Did you make any New Year’s resolutions? How are they all going? We have already passed the point at which, statistically, most people start to forget all those easily made promises. Stop smoking, lose weight, get fit, join a gym, have a dry January. We do it to ourselves every year. There is a great rush of enthusiasm to change our lives for the better. We’re filled with idealism about the future, but…..

By the end of January we will have had a few setbacks, yet the enthusiasm will linger on. By Easter we will have lost the motivation and forgotten those hastily made resolutions completely. We will find all sorts of ways in which the events in our lives have worn down our optimism and derailed our plans.

So, we return to the mediocrity of last year and the year before. Despair will grow as the year progresses and then in December we will have another burst of hope and begin the cycle all over again. Sounds a bit futile and depressing, doesn’t it? It doesn’t have to be so. We need not be worn down by the constant drip of indifference.

I dislike the term ‘resolution’ because it reeks of inevitable failure. I am setting serious goals for myself this year and feeling passionate about them. With this new blog series I will show you how to set achievable goals and be motivated by them, and I’ll share the tools that I find useful. They’re not for everybody, they can be used by anybody.

Join me on the journey, and regardless of all the crazy ‘stuff’ going on in the big wide world, let’s make a difference in our own lives. We’re already three weeks into the New Year and there’s no time to waste, so I’ll post a new blog every day this week as follows:

Monday – Visualisation (Who do I want to be?)

Tuesday – Diary or journal to success

Wednesday – Plan an inspirational Diary

Thursday – Setting SMART goals

Friday – Keeping a motivational Journal

Saturday – 13-week goals

Sunday – What’s next? (Motivation Mondays)

Community? What Community?

I first encountered the m/m community of readers, writers, publishers etc. a little over four years ago. I was enthralled by the fact that everyone was so warm and welcoming. Writers who, on the face of it were competitors, appeared to be the best of buddies and generally supportive of each other. It was a bit of a culture shock to discover that the majority of the community were women, both readers and writers. I welcomed the inclusivity of it all and I am happy to say that I have made some wonderful friends in the group.

Recent events have tarnished that point of view. We have endured dramas coming along one after another: catfishing, women writers, male writers, book piracy, LGBTQI rights, trolling and back-stabbing. At present the community sucks. I sometimes wonder how we have the hypocrisy to call ourselves a community at all.

We are supposed to be a community of writers and readers brought together by creativity and craft. I love the fact that social media has closed the distance, allowing our readers to interact with us, but expectations need to be managed. Writers need to write and we all have our own styles, our own values and beliefs and they should not be held to ransom or publicly trashed by readers who have a different set of beliefs or expectations. In my experience it is not uncommon to read a book that does not grab me in the way that others might. I do however, appreciate that there will be other readers out there who may love it. I simply close the book, chalk it up to experience and seek another author who may be writing what I want to read.

Even in our little community there are as many different styles of writer as there are readers picking up their books. We don’t have to love each other’s work but the least we can do is respect it and appreciate our shared endeavour. Surely the idea of a community is that a group of disparate individuals can come together in mutual respect and support for each other regardless of individual styles or circumstances? When you are aspiring or struggling, you need the group. When you are successful, the group needs you.

The biggest issues appear to be those outside the realms of the craft. The world in general has been brainwashed to accept dumbed down politics which includes bigotry, intolerance, bullying and the cult of personality. Our small world reflects that and I fear that the actions of a minority will tear apart all that is good about our community.

Wow, I hear you say. Tim is turning into the classic grumpy old man. Well yes, I may be, but somebody needs to stick their head above the parapet. I do not rant without reason and I am driven by two principles. Firstly I believe in the famous words of Edmund Burke:

‘The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing’

I cannot stand by and do nothing while our community destroys itself. Secondly, and to support that stance, I turn to the words of the poet Dylan Thomas:

Do not go gentle into that good night. Old age should burn and rave at close of day. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.’

So forgive me while I rage!

The m/m genre is being hijacked by sexual politics. In our rush to highlight and to defend the rights of each sub-group, we are losing sight of the real goal of equality. There can be no place for homophobia, transphobia, sexism, racism, ageism or any of the other prejudices which we see every day, even in our own community! In a misguided attempt at defending their own particular in-group, I fear that some of us end up expressing the kinds of prejudiced views we are surely trying to stamp out.

 As a gay man I have spent the last 45 years struggling against homophobia, misunderstanding, bullying and even physical attacks, but always with the same goal in mind: equal rights. Not equal rights as a gay man, but equal rights as a human being. There is a fundamental difference here. I am not a man who identifies as gay. That suggests some choice in the matter. I am a gay man who identifies as human. I just want to be equal.

It is my belief that in our struggle to be identified under one letter of the alphabet or another, we actually compartmentalise ourselves and fragment our power. Of course that causes a problem for our allies. It’s quite clear that bigotry is alive and kicking in our community just as it is in the world at large. If you wish to be part of a community then you must respect the whole community.  An ally of one part of the group must be an ally of all. The goal for all must be equality for all. Equal human rights. We cannot pick and choose which flavours we like from the sweetie jar, or which are our favourite letters of the alphabet. By definition, the politics of equality must be about global equality.

And by the way, respect for the rights of others needs to start with respect for ourselves. Anyone who posts licentious images of men’s sexual organs or of men having sex together is no ally of gay men! We may write about such things in the context of a story but the posting of graphic images is insulting to the imagination of our readers and offensive to a great many gay men. You would not tolerate such sexualising of women so when did it become okay to do it to us? The same goes for anyone who delivers salacious accounts of their own sexual activities. Where is your self respect? It used to be said that those who boasted of their sexual encounters probably weren’t getting any, while those who were getting it didn’t have the time to talk about it.

Our community has a unique opportunity to be a beacon of excellence for equality and creativity. Of course we should discuss the politics but that needs to be done in a climate of mutual respect and understanding. There is always a place for debate and discourse in civilised society when empathy and understanding replace aggression and offensive language. Maybe we need a mission statement or a manifesto and if anyone has any ideas along those lines I would love to hear from you. In the meantime, lets play nicely. Lets be open to tolerance and inclusion. It’s time to grow up kids! Let’s show the world how it’s done.

The Twelve Days of Christmas: Two

The Work of Christmas

The poem When the song of the angels is stilled has long been a favourite of mine for this time of year. It was written by Howard Thurman (1899 – 1981) who was an influential African-American author, philosopher, theologian, educator, and civil rights leader. It’s from The Mood of Christmas and Other Celebrations published in 1985.  Looking back on this year, these words have never been more apt, never been so needed.

When the song of the angels is stilled,
When the star in the sky is gone,
When the kings and princes are home,
When the shepherds are back with their flock,
The work of Christmas begins:
To find the lost,
To heal the broken,
To feed the hungry,
To release the prisoner,
To rebuild the nations,
To bring peace among people,
To make music in the heart.

The verses have been set to music by the American composer Elizabeth Alexander and you can find many recordings of it on YouTube

 

Twelve Days of Christmas: One

A Very Special Birthday.

No not the one you thought I was going to talk about today! This is a different kind of birthday and one that is very personal to me. As we grow and mature (well some of us like to think that we have) family changes and friends come and go but we all cling to a few constants in our lives. One of mine came into my life sixty years ago today and has been with me ever since. Meet Ted.

I was just 6 months old when this bear was bought for my first Christmas. He was a naked bear originally, coated in a thick pelt of strawberry blond fur – which explains a lot regarding later interests! He also has one of those amazing inserts in his belly which allowed him to produce a really butch growl when he was tipped back or forth. In time the growl faded and the fur was mostly shed. In order to spare his blushes my Mum knitted the jumper and trousers that he wears to this day.

Ted was my comforter through childhood, my buddy and sharer of secrets throughout school and university years. He still sits in our bedroom and although I shudder to think of the things he may have witnessed throughout our 60 years together, he has never rejected me, never let me down. Happy 60th Birthday Ted and merry 60th Christmas.

 

Advent Calendar: Day Twenty Three

In my dim and distant teaching past we briefly had a young lad in our school nursery who grew into a fine young man of great talent. Whether it was playing football, modelling or sharing his great musical talents, Tyler Rix carved out a name for himself and continues to impress all who have come to know him. Tyler recently recorded this cover for Christmas and introduces it with his own words:

“Less than a month until Christmas!! Thought I’d record a little something for you guys to listen to whilst wrapping those presents & snuggling up by the tree. Big up Nick Beecroft on guitar. Photo by Francesca Trampleasure. Please share, like & subscribe for more videos..”

You really should listen and look Tyler up on YouTube and on his website: http://www.tylerrixofficial.com

For a quick catch up with Tyler here is an interview from a couple of years ago.